Cold air..

Cold air..cold coffee..cold food....still a cold treatment from someone... hay.. everything's cold this month...

A flying banshee just passed our dorm, carrying with it her howl and her cold grip.. striking shiver and shock to everyone who's unfortunate enough to be on her way... Yes it's eerie yet yes, this is what just happened in the bd lobby, 1:00 in the morning..brrr

Cold... that's the word that perfectly fits my friend right now... I am still thankful though, that sometimes he acknowledges that I exist.... sometimes is actually an understatement... for now, it's becoming a rarity... in a blue moon, as they say...

He used to matter to me a lot..... I thought he would appreciate those things that I believe I did to him whole-heartedly.... Before, I was happy thinking that he would appreciate those, even the worries... I thought that being loyal to someone is enough to preserve a relationship... yet he was one of the people that made me realize that those things exist in never-gonna-happen land... for in reality this world is full of pretenders like him... those who would rather mask their feelings with an air of aloofness and pride...rather than see someone below them in a different light... and appreciate it...

I am becoming one of them.... I know it's not me... But I cannot afford to lose anymore... I have lost enough... Wars are won by fighting..and conceding.. at the right time...

Duane was right... he feels that he's soooo important that an he won't let an ounce of pride to spill out of his self- centered jar... It's just so sad that my fears became true... my fears that spawned last summer when were still in "warm" terms to each other...

I like to blame myself.... "Another one again"... Sometimes, I like to consider myself as someone whose insensitive... It saddens me that I can't even engage in a good argument with him because of my passivity... those disappointments, although not said directly, i feel it and it hits me straight... I want to prolong those coversations to make him see at least that I make an effort... Yet I chose not to because he would dismiss me as someone who's stupid and make us worse off than before... Is it my fault then? Do i deserve to be treated this way?

I would have wished a little, just a little appreciation from him...pero wala...

I was hurt when he did not greet me on my birthday and pretended as if I did not exist... Yes, I am that trash to him now...

And I am still hurting on the fact that he's treating me as someone who's existence is obnoxious enough to pollute his world... I can feel it... and I don't like it... He would have made it easier, he should've punched me... or shouted at me.... still I would know the reason...

Pero wala e... Just like before... so maybe, he's disposable.....


....brrr